Dilemma.........Lost...Complicated Heart..

Actually i do feel like watching that movie..But i dont know out of sudden alot things shoot into my mind causing me to spin and i become confuse..Too much doubts that make me dont feel good especially now,at this moment i can said i am complete lost. I lost everything,sense of security not there anymore,nobody can protect me.Those fear that running in my images makes me weak,causing me goose bumps and this is where i need help the most but had not been offered.I need a definate ans,i want a conclusion,i dont wish to do things and put hope on things that might not happen,i dont trust miracle,in fact i dont want to wait for miracle.Is painful,is true..Trust me..

I am sad..heartbroken...Again again & again!

Firstly,can anybody out there enjoy feeling unhappy?Thats a NO rite..The same goes for me.But why it has been happening to me again?Why?Why do i need to feel this way?What is wrong out there?I feel sick and tired of all these.I just cant be happy..Although i met someone i love n he loves me too,i should be feeling contented but somethings are lacking out there..What is it?I yearn to live my life with him and them but the time is not rite yet..How long must i wait?I had wasted so many years of my life and now i still need to wait before i can have alittle happiness?Can i dont?Can it come faster than expected?I doubt so..I tell myself if the waiting time is too long i will let go as i cant stand the feeling of fear every now and then,it is making my heart beat faster each time i think of it..too scary..Sometimes i just feel so lost,dont know which is the correct path that i should take,all these are making my head spinning round round till i nearly gone..If one day there's no news of me that will be the day that i made up my mind to be alone,dead or alive..
People can claim me as not being resposible,people can accuse me for being heartless,people may assume that i am avoiding..all these are expected and i am ready for all that..But before jumping to any conclusion,Do ask yourself those questions..