Drive me crazy!

I hate this year 2008!Many things had happen,especially on the fucking month of Oct!

I know it is difficult to seek for human understanding,had tried many times but fail,guess is my fault again,not being able to express so is not convincing enough.But is ok,whoever want to blame,push,misunderstand,hurt or accuse then I shall let it be,i am not going to fight against it! Whatever things that is not good just push it to me,come and attack me as long as you people are happy!Leave me alone!I dont need anybody to bother as i feel sick!Real damn sick!

If only i am given more time......Time is not enough

How i wish the time could move slower,or maybe 1 day is 30hrs or 48hrs? Cause as the time strike by min,hrs and is getting faster and faster i always dont feel good..The kind of fear is like i am competing with the time and felt time always not enough as i had many unfinished task waiting for me and not sure when i can complete it..Sometimes i hope i can split myself equally to my little ones,my loved ones,my stupid work,my little frens,my family and those who need me..

If only they could be by my side daily then i dun have to split myself... Then i could have peace of mind,worries free..I just want a simple life..No need to be rich,i dun need luxuries life,as long as my loved ones by my side that will be enough.. I know i am narrow minded,simple minded but no choice,this is my personalities.. I dont know how to make myself open minded..

Do i need to surpress my feelings?

As mentioned earlier blog,i need someone to share my joy,sorrow and etc..How i wish someone could read my mind,knows what i want and know what to do,I know these sounds ridiculous but i think it would be a natural things to do it as myself can actually do that to others..If others could do this to me i think i should be feeling safe and well protected,not much worries as i know someone is there to share my burden,think for me..Sometimes i feeling tired till i going to give up,perhaps give up myself as it is real tiring to think for others yet nobody bothers about what is wrong with me.I am always at the losing end.

What is Responsiblities?

"RESPONSIBLITIES" This is just a word yet it sounds Strong..I fully understand the meaning but how come it does not happen to me?My dad is being so irresponsible towards me,he brought me to this word with no Sense of Responsiblites,he dont intend to fulfil his duties as a Father,so what's the point?What's the purpose?Just "Create" a human,bring he/she to this world then that's about it?Leave them to survive or death in their own ways?Is this the way it should be?No!I dunt think so.I pity myself for having such a Dad,someone who claim that he is unlucky to have us,what a joke right?As if we force him to bring us to this world.At times i cant help but thinking that how unlucky we are to have him as our so called closest KIN which i dont feel and i cant feel that he is the one,simply cant believe it..But at least we are blessed enough that we have her (Our Mother),that's the least i should be feeling bless of..I agree everybody has their good and bad points but somethings seem like going on for too long dont know when will it end..Sensitive issues.

Easier said than done!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes i really get so fed up till i feel like want to explode and become rebellious! I know having hatred or blame others for what you are is not the way out but so what? Why must i always be the one who accept the fact and face it?WHY???? Why cant others accept the fact and accept the way i am? Tell me!Just because i am soft hearted so i can be take advantage of? Can anybody help me? Can? I am tired,just so tired..At times i just want to vent my anger,i dunt want to control and i dun have to control and endure,when i am controlling my feelings anybody knows? Only when i break down maybe they will just simply think that i am CRAZY!!!!How i wish i can really be crazy,A Lunatic maybe will be better..
Only me,myself will know and feel how terrible the feelings is.